i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
