Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
