Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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