Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize
