we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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