Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
