why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
