I could make wine with my vomit
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
