you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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