Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
