ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
