They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
