i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
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