You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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