think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
