I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
