mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
