Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
