There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
