Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
