Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
