After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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