Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
