So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
