oh god the rape fog is back!
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
