Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
