Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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