Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
