don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
