JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
