Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
