He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
