the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
