I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
