I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
