conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
