once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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