I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
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If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
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I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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