hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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