When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
A+ Viking dick
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
