Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
