I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
