Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
