Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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