I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
