Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
