For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
