Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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