You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
