I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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