the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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