Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
