i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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