What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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