I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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