dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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