You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
