my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
