I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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