I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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