I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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