the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just pee around me
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
