I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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