they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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