woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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