i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
