you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Randomize
