rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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