you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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