I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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