Can Purell be used as lube?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I didn't notice because vodka
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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