its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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